The Emotion I Was Most Ashamed Of… and Why I Don’t Hide It Anymore

 Hi, lovelies! How are you? How's your 2025 so far? I hope you're doing well.

Today's topic is about "Is it okay to feel angry?" It is something personal that I keep asking myself lately, and I need to learn to make peace with it.

I used to think that feeling angry meant I was failing. That if I had an emotional outburst even a short one, it erased all the inner work I had done. I’d be left with a deep sense of guilt or shame, asking myself, “Why am I still reacting like this?” It often felt like I hadn’t made any progress at all. But over time, I’ve come to understand that anger, in itself, isn’t wrong. It’s a valid emotion; a response to something that matters. This post is an understanding and a reminder (mostly to myself) that being human doesn’t mean being perfect.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is the difference between feeling anger and acting out of it. Anger is like a signal. Just like physical pain alerts us to injury, anger tells us when something feels off, when our boundaries are crossed, or when our needs are unmet. The problem isn’t the emotion itself; it’s how we’ve been taught to handle it. Suppressing it entirely or unleashing it without awareness are two extremes that don’t lead to peace. What I’m learning is how to sit with the feeling, acknowledge it, and try to respond rather than react. That’s easier said than done, but it's a practice, not a perfection.

After an outburst, the shame I often feel can be overwhelming. But I’ve started to accept and learn that this shame doesn’t always stem from the present moment. It usually ties back to deeper things. Sometimes it's unspoken expectations I put on myself, or unresolved pain I haven’t given space to. Anger, in this sense, can be a mask for deeper emotional needs. If I slow down enough to listen, I usually find that the anger was trying to protect me or point me toward something I’ve been ignoring, like a boundary that needs reinforcing or a part of me that needs compassion.

There’s a common belief that emotional maturity means staying calm all the time, but I think real growth looks a little different. It means being honest about what we’re feeling, even though it’s messy. Emotional control isn’t the goal for me anymore; emotional honesty is. I want to be able to say, “Yes, I got upset,” and still see myself as someone who’s healing and evolving. Just because I had a moment doesn’t mean I’m back at square one. Growth is still happening, even when it’s not graceful.

What’s been most helpful for me is learning how to reflect after the storm has passed. Rather than spiral into guilt, I try (and I still try) to gently ask myself what was going on underneath the anger. Was I feeling stretched too thin? Did I say yes to something I didn’t want to do? Did I avoid speaking up until it boiled over? Did someone hurt my loved ones? These questions don’t always have immediate answers, but they help me understand myself better. And when I do mess up, I’m learning to repair, both with others and with myself.

So… is it okay to be angry? I believe it is. It’s human. It’s a signal that something matters. And as long as I keep showing up with a willingness to learn, listen, and make things right when needed, I don’t have to be ashamed of it. I can see anger not as a failure, but as an invitation to grow more honestly. And that, to me, is progress..

Thank you for your time and support 💓💓

Take care, and may God bless you

Borahae 💜💜💜